nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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