i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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