I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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