go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize