we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
