He asked to "fluff my boner.."
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
