youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize