if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
