I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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