Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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