'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
