How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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