Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
