You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize