you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
