i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
