Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
