He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
