Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
