How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
All the doctor said was why
Randomize