So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
