Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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