the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
