highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
