Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
