apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i dont even know how to be here
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
