I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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