6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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