hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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