with your own penis?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
