oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
