I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just threw up on my dentist
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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