I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
