Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
