So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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