He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
