On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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