I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
