i think my mom watched the whole time
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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