Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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