pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
