Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize