**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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