a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
high people should be assigned attendants
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
