"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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