I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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