Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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