Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
