I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
