so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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