It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
