Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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