i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
