first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
my poor anus
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
