kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
