so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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