I wish life had little blips of pornography
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
