i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
