And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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