Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
