if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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