none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
