You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
