And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
