and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I can't turn off my feet"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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