You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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