What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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