my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
