My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
