Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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