I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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