i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
