roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
