i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
