Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
