trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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