i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize