I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
How's work?
Spinning.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
