Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i dont even know how to be here
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I need a beard to bite.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
