I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
