susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize