Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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