ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
