is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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