Do you still have your period?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
