Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
