I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
