i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
