I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
