So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
