And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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