I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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