who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
