This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize