can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
