i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This show inspires me to have sex in space
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
