if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
