Ambien. No doubt about it.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
