I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
